


Shame Season 1, Episode 11: Live For Myself

by ketterdamrooftops



Series: SHAME | SKAM San Francisco Season 1 [11]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany), SKAM (France), SKAM (Norway), SKAM (Spain), Shame | SKAM (San Francisco)
Genre: Multi, final episode!! i honestly can't believe that i've finally finished s1, looking forward to S2!!, this has been such an incredible experience
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:22:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25942057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ketterdamrooftops/pseuds/ketterdamrooftops
Summary: Maya Rosen-Cline shouldn't really have anything to worry about. She gets good grades, she breezed through her first semester of sophomore year, she has an amazing (most of the time) boyfriend, she's even started thinking about what colleges she wants to go to.Except there's one small setback.She has no friends. None. Nada. Rien. Why? Long story.With no close friends and an increasingly distant and standoffish boyfriend, Maya's about to have a lot more to worry about.In-Universe Time Frame: Late January - Late April
Relationships: Matthew Hwang/Maya Rosen-Cline
Series: SHAME | SKAM San Francisco Season 1 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1304525
Comments: 6
Kudos: 5





	1. Crepes

SHAME: EPISODE ELEVEN, CLIP ONE -  _ CREPES _

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

MUSIC CUE:  _ Out of Touch _ \- Hall and Oates

Opening shot of Maya’s kitchen. Maya is standing up at the stove, cooking crepes in a black steel pan. Reina and Halima stand at the counter, cutting up strawberries and walnuts. Nick is over by the pantry, searching for crepe toppings. The girls all clearly changed out of their party clothes during the night--everyone is wearing something from Maya’s wardrobe: sweatpants, running shorts, old Jewish youth group t-shirts, you name it. Hall and Oates plays out of a little Bluetooth speaker. 

TITLE: SATURDAY, 10:02 AM

Maya flips another crepe from the pan onto a plate, adding to an already sizable stack of crepes. 

REINA

How many have you made?

MAYA

I don’t know. Like, 12, or something. 

REINA

Great.

Maya turns off the flame, picks up the plate, walks into the dining room, and sets the plate down on the table. The table has already been set with plates and cutlery for everyone. Halima walks in with the cut strawberries neatly arranged on a plate, which she sets down next to the crepes. Reina follows, walking in with a dish of butter and a bowl of chopped walnuts. Nick calls out from the kitchen. 

NICK

Maya? I got the sugar, but I can’t find your Nutella!

Maya chuckles, calling back to Nick. 

MAYA

It’s on the very top shelf of the pantry. 

Nick rummages around the top shelf before pulling out a large jar. 

NICK

Got it!

Nick walks into the dining room and sets the jar down on the table triumphantly. 

The girls all sit down at the table; Maya and Nick on one side, Reina and Halima on the other. The seat at the head of table sits empty. The girls begin to serve themselves. Halima turns to Maya as she smoothes Nutella over her crepe. 

HALIMA

So is your mom just, like, never home, then?

MAYA

Oh, no, she’s home a lot of the time, she just has to travel a ton for her job. She’s usually here every other week, sometimes more than that. 

HALIMA

Oh, cool. What’s she do?

MAYA

She’s a creative director for this digital marketing agency. Their headquarters are downtown, but they’ve also got a bunch of offices in, like, Europe and Asia and stuff, too.

Nick reaches for the strawberries. 

NICK

That’s kinda sick. Do you ever get to travel with her?

MAYA

Not really. The company only pays for her, so it’s usually too expensive to bring me. I’ve gone with her once or twice during summer break, though. We went to Amsterdam and Milan. 

NICK

Oh, wow. I’ve always wanted to go to Italy. 

Reina glances at a framed photo of Maya and her mom in front of Sforza Castle hanging on the wall of the dining room. 

REINA

What about your dad? I mean, if you have one. I don’t want to assume.

MAYA

Oh, no, I have a dad, my parents are just divorced. He lives in Chicago. My mom and I used to live there too, we only moved here after she split from my dad. I was 12. 

HALIMA

Damn, that’s a really big move. Do you ever get to see him at all?

MAYA

Yeah, just not as much as I used to. I used to see him during every break, but he got remarried last spring and his new wife is kinda uncomfortable with me being around. I only really see him during the summer now. 

Reina nods solemnly, grabbing Maya’s hand across the table and giving it a squeeze. 

REINA

I’m sorry about that, Em. 

Maya smiles. 

MAYA

It’s okay.

Reina lets go of Maya’s hand and goes back to eating her crepe. Suddenly, the girls hear footsteps coming from down the hall. Hailey walks into the dining room, wearing the t-shirt and pajama shorts that Maya left out for her. She looks tired, but definitely healthier than last night. She doesn’t smile or even greet the other girls, just sits down at the head of the table. The rest of the girls look at her warmly. 

HALIMA

Good morning, Hailey. 

NICK

Morning. 

MAYA

How did you sleep?

Hailey shrugs. 

HAILEY

Good. 

REINA

Maya made crepes.

Reina picks up a crepe and lays it down on Hailey’s plate. Hailey looks down at it. 

REINA

What do you want on it? We’ve got butter, sugar, strawberries, walnuts, Nutella…

Hailey looks at the toppings. 

HAILEY

I… I’ll just have some strawberries, I think. 

MAYA

Okay. 

Maya passes the plate of strawberries to Hailey. Hailey tentatively lays out the strawberry slices on her crepe. She folds it up, but doesn’t take a bite. It’s quiet.

HAILEY

I don’t really remember anything from last night. Like, I remember Gabi’s party, but nothing else.

Reina smiles at her. 

REINA

That’s okay. You don’t need to remember anything. 

MAYA

You probably just drank too much and passed out. We took you to my house and you slept over. 

NICK

Yeah, blacking out sucks, but it’s nothing to beat yourself up about.

HALIMA

Exactly. 

Another beat of silence as the girls eat their breakfast. Breaking the silence, Hailey starts to cry, but not tears of sadness. Tears of joy. She looks up at the rest of the girls and smiles tearfully. 

HAILEY

I love you guys. I’m serious, I love you. I’m just… Thank you so much. 

Everyone around the table beams. Maya reaches over and gives Hailey a little side-hug. 

MAYA

Aw, we love you too. 

HALIMA

And you don’t have to thank us. I mean, we’re in this prom group for a reason, right? We want to help each other out. 

Hailey looks at Halima in disbelief. 

HAILEY

Wait... you still want me to be part of the group? Even after I said all that stuff in the library?

HALIMA

Of course. Like, come on, you’re the only person here in Honors math classes, do you really think we would let anyone other than you calculate our finances? 

Everyone laughs. Hailey grins. The tears on her cheeks begin to dry up. 

REINA

Anyway, I know that leading a group like this can be really stressful. Especially with all the other stuff. 

HAILEY

What other stuff?

REINA

You know, school, relationships... 

Reina looks over at Maya, who nods solemnly.

REINA

Or your health. 

Hailey’s face falls. She looks down. 

REINA

Hailey, do… do you really think you’re that sick?

Hailey nods. 

HAILEY

I’ve just… for the past like, month, I’ve just been constantly getting sick, and I don’t really seem to be getting better. I’ve taken medicine, but nothing works. 

MAYA

What do you mean by “getting sick”? Like, what are you feeling? 

HAILEY

It’s hard to describe, it’s like… I’m always freezing, even when it’s hot out. I’m always feeling, like, light-headed and nauseous and stuff. I just constantly feel like I’m gonna throw up or collapse. 

The other girls sit silent for a moment, taking this in. They look at each other, hoping that one of them might have an idea of what’s wrong with Hailey. Nobody has a clue.

REINA

Maybe… Maybe we should talk to Nurse Karim on Monday. 

FADE OUT


	2. Mixed signals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back, back again!

SHAME: EPISODE ELEVEN, CLIP TWO -  _ MIXED SIGNALS _

INT. HALLWAY - DAY

Maya and Reina are walking down the hall to their Japanese classroom. 

TITLE: MONDAY, 9:21 AM

MAYA

I was on YouTube last night listening to Queen, and I somehow ended up finding these videos that were like “Freddie Mercury slips on Ice and Calls for his Mama.” I swear to god, I couldn’t stop laughing. They’re so stupid but they’re also, like, so inexplicably funny. 

Confusion flashes across Reina’s face for a split second before she realizes what Maya is talking about. 

REINA

Oh! You mean those videos where they, like, take the audio from Queen songs and stuff? I think I saw one a while back that was something like “Freddie Mercury Gets Trapped in a Slide” or whatever.

MAYA

Yeah, yeah, those ones. 

REINA

I haven’t seen the "slipping on ice" one, but I remember just losing it at the one about the slide. You’re so right, like, they shouldn’t be funny, but they are. 

At that moment, Alexis from SEC approaches the girls, a stack of flyers in her hands. 

ALEXIS

Hey, guys. 

MAYA

Hey, Alexis. What’s up?

ALEXIS

Uh, not much. I just wanted to tell you guys that SEC is holding a Spring Break party on Friday night at Crissy Field. 

She hands two flyers to the girls. 

ALEXIS

So, do you think you guys can make it?

Reina and Maya glance at each other. 

MAYA

Uh, maybe. 

ALEXIS

You should totally come! The whole school is gonna be there. You don’t wanna miss the second-biggest event of the semester, right?

Maya and Reina chuckle. 

MAYA

Yeah, I guess not. We’ll come. 

ALEXIS

Great! I’ll see you on Friday, then.

Alexis walks off down the hall. 

REINA

We should probably tell the group chat about this, right?

MAYA

Oh, yeah. Good idea. 

Maya pulls out her phone and is about to type a message to the rest of the girl squad when they hear a voice behind them. 

ELIJAH

Hi, Reina. 

The girls turn around to see Eli standing behind them. Reina stares at him blankly. 

REINA

Elliot. Hi. 

Eli smiles, rolling his eyes. 

ELIJAH

Why haven’t you responded to any of my texts?

REINA

Oh, uh… My power went out. For two weeks straight.

Eli laughs. 

ELIJAH

Ha ha, very funny. Come on, just let me take you out for coffee.

Reina sighs. 

REINA

Eli, just give up.

ELIJAH

Yeah, that’s not happening. 

REINA

Well, then you’re just wasting your time. 

Eli looks at the ground, shaking his head. 

ELIJAH

Look, Reina. I… I know that you’re not the biggest fan of me, but I really can’t take you seriously when you keep putting on this weird “cool-girl-who’s-above-it-all” attitude. So either admit that you’re playing hard-to-get and that you actually do want to go out with me, or stop sending me such mixed signals. 

Reina stares at Eli in disbelief. She scoffs, exhausted. 

REINA

You know what? Fine. I… I thought that you would be able to take the hint, but I guess I’m just going to have to spell it out for you. Eli, I am not interested in you. I never have been. You are one of the most disrespectful, creepy and insufferable people I have ever met. You have no respect for other people’s boundaries, and the way that you treat girls is absolutely disgusting. So no, I do not want to go on a date with you, and I’m not gonna change my mind any time soon, so please stop asking. For the love of god, just… just leave me the fuck alone. 

Eli stands open-mouthed, speechless. But unlike after Reina’s last speech to him on the basketball courts, it’s not a smug speechlessness: he genuinely does not know what to say. 

ELI

Oh. Uh… I’ll just… 

Eli turns and walks down the hall, away from the girls. Reina looks over at Maya, who smiles. 

MAYA

Damn. 

FADE OUT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off, i am so so so sorry for the wait between clips! i uploaded the first clip the day before i started online school, and things have been pretty hectic these first few weeks, so i had to take some time off to get organized. but i'm back now, and am super excited to finish this episode and get started on season 2! 
> 
> as always, if you enjoyed this clip then PLEASE leave a comment! i thrive off of others' feedback, so comments are always greatly appreciated. thank you!


	3. Sick

SHAME: EPISODE ELEVEN, CLIP THREE -  _ SICK _

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Maya, Reina, Halima, Nick, and Hailey stand outside Nurse Karim’s office. Reina holds Hailey’s hand, trying to calm Hailey’s nerves. 

TITLE: MONDAY, 12:03 PM

Suddenly, the door opens, and a student walks out with an ice pack. The girls glance at each other before filing in, Hailey first, the others following. Nurse Karim, a tall Lebanese woman in a maroon hijab, smiles from behind her desk. 

NURSE KARIM

Hi, girls. What can I do for you today?

The girls look at each other in silence. Nobody knows what to say. Nurse Karim chuckles. 

NURSE KARIM

Don’t be shy. I assume that you girls had a reason for coming here. I mean, unless you all plan to stand in my office in silence for all of lunch.

Reina puts a hand on Hailey’s shoulder.

REINA

Uh, Hailey is--

HAILEY

I think I might be really sick. 

Nurse Karim furrows her brow, looking at Hailey. She nods.

NURSE KARIM

Hm. Have you thrown up recently?

HAILEY

Uh, no. It’s not really like that. 

NURSE KARIM

What do you mean? Can you list what you’ve been feeling for me?

HAILEY

It’s kinda weird, but like… I always feel like I’m about to throw up, but I never do. And I always feel super, like, dizzy and exhausted, even though I’ve been getting full nights of sleep. I can’t even walk too fast or I feel like I’m going to pass out. And I’m always feeling super chilly like I do when I have a cold, even when I’m inside.

NURSE KARIM

I see. 

Nurse Karim opens a drawer in her desk and pulls out an infrared thermometer before standing up and walking over to Hailey. All of a sudden, a green light flashes from the thermometer onto Hailey’s forehead. Hailey jumps. Suddenly, the thermometer beeps, and Nurse Karim takes a look at the reader as she walks back to her desk. 

NURSE KARIM

Hm. Well, it says here that your temperature is normal, so that’s good. I still think that something’s wrong if you’re feeling that out of it all the time. 

Nurse Karim sits behind her desk. She looks up at Hailey, brow furrowed. Suddenly, something seems to dawn on her. 

NURSE KARIM

Hailey, what have you eaten so far today?

Hailey glances to the side. 

HAILEY

Um, n-nothing. I’m usually not that hungry in the morning.

NURSE KARIM

I see. 

She pulls out a pen and a notepad and begins to jot something down. Maya and Hailey share a look. 

And do you eat lunch in the cafeteria, or do you bring it from home?

HAILEY

I bring it from home. 

NURSE KARIM

And what do you normally have?

Hailey fidgets. 

HAILEY

Uh, an apple, usually. Maybe some carrot sticks or cucumber. And some water. 

Nurse Karim scribbles some more notes onto her notepad. 

NURSE KARIM

And for dinner?

HAILEY

Whatever my mom makes. Usually some pasta, or a salad. I’m never super hungry, though. 

Nurse Karim barely nods, writing more notes down on her notepad. Hailey furrows her brow, confused and frustrated.

HAILEY

Why do you need to know everything I eat, anyways? I just want to know why I feel so sick, why do you keep asking me irrelevant questions?

Nurse Karim looks up from her notepad. She sighs, lays it down on her desk, and folds her hands. 

NURSE KARIM

It’s because you aren’t sick, Hailey. You’re malnourished.

Hailey’s eyes grow wide. Maya, Reina, Nick, and Halima look at each other. 

HAILEY

W-What do you mean?

NURSE KARIM

You’re not eating nearly enough food per day for someone your age. Your daily caloric intake should be about 2,000 calories; what you’re eating everyday doesn’t even reach half of that. And because you’re not eating enough, your body isn’t getting enough of the nutrients that it needs in order to function. Everything that you’re feeling right now; the fatigue, the nausea, the dizziness; it’s all because you haven’t been eating enough. 

Nurse Karim pulls a pamphlet out and lays it on the desk. The girls peer over to see what it says. The pamphlet is titled “MyPlate: Do it Your Way!” 

NURSE KARIM

I’d give this a read. It shows you a run down of everything that you need to be eating each day, okay?

Hailey, nods, grabbing the pamphlet. She smiles.

HAILEY

Okay. Thank you. 

NURSE KARIM

You’re welcome. Come back anytime!

The girls walk out of the nurse’s office, smiling all the while. They’re delighted that Hailey isn’t dying, and that the problem has such an easy fix. Reina, on the other hand, isn’t convinced. As the other girls walk down the hall, Reina pulls Hailey aside. 

HAILEY

Hey! What are you--

REINA

Hailey, I know what you’re doing. You’ve gotta stop.

HAILEY

You don’t know what you’re talking about. 

Reina looks at Hailey pleadingly.

REINA

Hailey, listen to me. I do. I know that you’re not skipping meals just because you aren’t hungry. 

Hailey huffs a sigh, looking down at the floor. She’s frustrated.

HAILEY

It’s just… Maya can eat whatever the hell she wants to and still look like a fucking Nike model. 

REINA

Hailey, you can’t say that. You’re absolutely beautiful. 

Hailey sighs. 

HAILEY

Yeah. But not enough. 

FADE OUT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told you guys i'd try to update more frequently! i hope you guys liked this chapter, it was definitely a big plot change but i'm hoping that i did it justice. 
> 
> as always, if you liked the clip, PLEASE leave a comment! i thrive off of your comments, seriously. much love to you all and stay safe!


	4. There for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been 84 years..... jk ive just been up to my neck in university applications and theatre and classes and the like. hope you like this clip!

SHAME: EPISODE 11, CLIP FOUR -  _ THERE FOR ME _

EXT. LLOYD LAKE, GOLDEN GATE PARK - DAY

MUSIC CUE:  _ Prom Queen  _ \- Catie Turner

Wide shot of Lloyd Lake at Golden Gate Park. It’s late afternoon, and the sunlight glitters off of the water. The white marble “Portals of the Past” monument sits on the other side of the lake, its white Grecian columns looking out over the area. 

TITLE: WEDNESDAY, 4:32 PM

Maya is sitting alone on a green bench overlooking the lake. She watches the ducks swim over the surface of the water when Leo approaches the bench. 

LEO

Hey, Maya. 

MAYA

Hey. 

Leo takes a seat next to Maya. There’s a moment of silence as the two look out over the lake. 

MAYA

Look, I… I’m really sorry that I said all that shit to you at Gabi’s party last Friday. You’ve never lied to me before, I don’t know why I thought that you were lying to me then. I should have known you wouldn’t rat on me like that. 

LEO

Did you ever find out who actually did it?

MAYA

Yeah. Turns out it was Melanie. 

Leo turns to Maya.

LEO

Wait, no shit? The SEC girl?

MAYA

Yeah. She told me all about it when I confronted her at the party. I was gonna tell you, but then…

LEO

All that shit happened with Hailey. I get it.

MAYA

I know, but, like… I still feel like shit for thinking you told. 

Leo looks out at the lake. He takes in a deep breath. 

LEO

You shouldn’t, though. 

Maya looks at Leo, brows raised. 

MAYA

Why not? 

LEO

Because, uh… I guess I kinda realized that the reason you were so convinced I snitched was because you didn’t think I was telling you the whole truth about what was going on with Matt. And… you were right. I wasn’t. But I’m ready to tell you the truth now. No more bullshit. Anything you want to ask me, just ask. 

Maya furrows her brow, turning away from Leo. You can almost see the gears turning in her mind. After a few moments of silence, she turns back to him. 

MAYA

Remember back at Tahoe when I asked you if you knew that Matt and Katya were texting? Were they actually talking about their English class?

LEO

No. Well, they kinda talked about English, but mostly they were talking about Kat’s brother. Matt told you that Adam is his weed guy, right?

MAYA

Uh huh. 

LEO

Matt accidentally left his weed in his bedroom, and he was freaking out that his parents were gonna find it when they cleaned the house. He was trying to text Adam, but he had somehow erased his number from his phone, so he had to text Kat instead. 

MAYA

So were you guys smoking at the rental house?

LEO

Yeah. That’s why Noah showed up. He got the weed from Matt’s house. I’m honestly kinda shocked that you didn’t realize we were smoking. We smelled like a bunch of unwashed hippies.

Maya chuckles. 

MAYA

What about that time I heard Kat’s voice in the background when I was calling Matt? I asked you about that, right?

LEO

Yeah, but that time I legitimately didn’t know what was actually going on. I assumed that she was probably just in the background while Matt picked up some stuff from Adam. 

MAYA

Then why didn’t you tell me?

LEO

Matt made me promise him not to tell you that he smoked weed. 

MAYA

But you told me to talk to Kat. Couldn’t she have told me that Matt was there for drugs?

Leo cringes. 

LEO

Yeah, that was just a really dumbass move on my part. I should have told you to leave her alone. 

MAYA

Yeah, probably. At least you didn’t tell me to tell Matt I cheated on him, or anything.

LEO

Funny that you say that. I think that’s the thing that I regret not doing the most. 

Maya turns to him, incredulous. 

MAYA

Wait, seriously?

LEO

I'm completely serious. Maya, Matt loves you. I know that it might not seem like it right now, but he does. Like, to an insane degree. I’m, like, 99.999% sure that if you had told him what happened with Nick, he would have forgiven you. 

Leo looks down in shame. 

LEO

But because I’m an absolute fucking dumbass, I didn’t. I… I’m sorry.

Leo turns to look at Maya, tears in his eyes. In a split second, Maya wraps him up in an enormous bear hug. 

MAYA

You don’t have to apologize, Leo. You were there for me, and that’s what matters.

Leo smiles, and wraps his arms around Maya, returning the hug. The two stay there for a moment before letting go. 

MAYA

Anyways, are you coming to the Spring Break party this Friday? It’s at Chrissy Field. 

LEO

Uh, yeah, I think so. It’s the only school event I could convince Matt to participate in. 

Maya laughs. She stands up from the bench and reaches out her hand for Leo to do the same. 

MAYA

See you later, Leo. 

LEO

You too, Em. 

CUT TO EXT. BREON GATE

Maya walks up to the ornate pillars of Breon Gate, the largest and busiest of all the entrances to Golden Gate Park. Dozens of cars flow through the gate as the early evening sunlight turns the entire intersection gold. Maya walks through the stone door attached to the side of the pillar and onto the sidewalk. She looks out over the intersection when she spots Matt and his younger sister Tori walking down on the other side of the street, talking about something. Matt and Tori both carry various shopping bags. 

Maya smiles. She pulls out her phone and calls Matt. We see Matt stop and pull his phone out of his pocket. He looks at it for a moment, then answers. 

MATT

(V.O.)

Hey, Maya. 

MAYA

Hey, Matt. How’s it going?

MATT

(V.O.)

Uh, things are going well. I’m good.

MAYA

What are you up to?

MATT

(V.O.)

Trying to get home. My mom’s birthday is this weekend, so Tori and I went down to Haight-Ashbury to go buy her a birthday present. Tori made us go to Buffalo Exchange, though, and we kinda just ended up going shopping for ourselves, too. 

MAYA

Nice, nice. 

TORI

(V.O., in background)

I bought a beret!

MAYA

Who was that?

MATT

(V.O.)

My sister. 

MAYA

(teasing)

You sure it’s not Kat?

MATT

(V.O.)

Oh, come on, Maya. 

MAYA

I’m just fucking with you. Tell Tori I say hi. 

MATT

(V.O.)

Will do. Anyways, why did you call me? Did you need to talk about something?

Maya takes a deep breath. 

MAYA

Remember how you told me to call you once I’ve figured out who I really am? 

MATT

Yeah. 

MAYA

I think I’ve finally done it. So, I know that you’ll probably be busy tonight and tomorrow afternoon, but I want to meet up with you. We have a minimum day on Friday, so you can come over to my house at 2. Does that work for you?

Matt is a little bit shocked. He wasn't expecting Maya to be so straightforward.

MATT

Um, sure. Sounds good.

MAYA

Great! I’ll see you then. 

She hangs up her phone and smiles. The light glitters over the intersection.

FADE OUT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! if you enjoyed this clip, PLEASE leave a comment. i'm not exaggerating when i say that it means the whole world to me to see people legitimately interacting with my work. love you <3


End file.
